Every year in March I attend a securities conference for attorneys and compliance professionals that’s held in a hotel resort somewhere warm, usually Orlando, Phoenix, or San Diego. The conference lasts four days, and my firm pays for everything. I always try to go because it’s a fun way to re-connect with colleagues who work in other offices, nail down my annual CLE credits at the daily seminars, and get an all expenses paid break from the grind early in the year. My firm also uses this conference to entertain clients, so this annual ritual helps me kill several birds with one stone.
This year they held it in Austin, Texas for the first time, and I have to say, I had one of the best times I’ve ever had at one of these conferences in the 20 or so years I’ve been attending them. The big reason is they held it downtown in the city itself, as opposed to a remote location outside the host city, like they normally do. This meant we didn’t have to take shuttles to go anywhere fun. We could literally walk out the hotel and be in the thick of things.
Another reason is the location. Austin is such a cool city. It feels like a bigger, less congested, and more upscale Williamsburg, Brooklyn. (Williamsburg 10 years ago, not now.) It has quirky shops, retro cafes, and great restaurants that run the gamut from five star gems to taco trucks on the side of the street. The city has this laid back vibe that I really like. The weather was also phenomenal, 80s and sunny, which allowed me to give this pasty winter face of mine a little color. I’d been to Austin once before, when M. was a year old. Ex. and I were in a pretty bad place in our marriage during that visit, so needless to say I had a much better experience this time.
I got there a day early and brought my camera with me, so I had a full morning and most of the afternoon to ramble around town and take some photos of anything that struck my fancy.
Here are a few I took, mostly of interesting murals and graffiti:
A few other notes from this trip:
I’m not used to drinking this much. There’s a ton of socializing and drinking at these conferences, mostly due to the networking events that are held each night. All of them have an open bar and circulating hors d’oeuvres, so it’s quite easy to get hammered without even trying. I’m not a big drinker–never have been–but as a younger man, I would drink way too much at these things without pacing myself. The next morning I’d be totally hung over and feeling like absolute shit while having to sit through six hours of securities seminars, smiling through my pain at any clients or colleagues I happened to encounter throughout the day. Three days of this alcohol marination. By the time I got back to New York, I felt like a rum-soaked raisin.
Now that I’m older and wiser, I cap myself at three drinks then shift to water or club soda. But even this limited amount of drinking took a toll on me after a few nights. I wasn’t hung over so much as tired because all this drinking fucked with my sleep. Alcohol just isn’t a big part my life now, even less than before. I guess that’s a good thing.
I’m not used to eating this much. Holy shit, if I lived in Austin full-time, I’d weigh 200 pounds. Man, the food is good there. We held our main client event at a Michelin restaurant located on the outskirts of downtown, and the food was so damn good, I can’t even do it justice by trying to describe it. Even the ‘low end’ hors d’oeuvres, these ham and cheese sliders, tasted out of this world. I won’t name the place because I’m still trying to keep a shred of anonymity, but if I’m ever back in Austin I’m definitely going back. The second night we ate at this fantastic Mexican place downtown that was also incredible. Even the hotel food was good! I swear I didn’t have a single meh meal the entire time, and I ate enough meat–something else I don’t do often now–to last me six months.
I gave a New York hello to Governor Abbott and the Texas legislature. I can’t think of an American governor I despise more than Governor Abbott in Texas. Maybe Ron DeSantis in Florida. It’s a close race, but Abbott fucking sucks. He’s on the other side of every political issue I care about: protecting kids from school shootings, protecting a woman’s right to choose, protecting immigrants from illegal detention and deportation, and protecting the First Amendment and freedom to protest. Abbott embodies everything I despise about today’s Republican Party. The Texas legislature is equally bad; it’s a cesspool of corrupt jackoffs.
So while I love Austin as a city, it’s ironic that all those conservative pricks work there. Since I was in town, it would have been remiss of me if I had not stopped by the Texas Capitol to give Governor Abbott and his Merry Band of Assholes my best one-finger salute.
Unexpected conversations. Being open to conversation with anyone who piqued my interest led to some unexpected exchanges at this conference. The most memorable one was when I was introduced to a client at one of our dinners. She was so over the top and in your face that she reminded me of my Sister J. We started talking, and it turns out we both worked at the same law firm 35 years ago–my first law firm. She was a litigation paralegal and I was a green attorney, but I didn’t remember her at all, even though we overlapped there for two years. She started naming some of the partners who scared the living shit out of both of us, and it was like going back in time. I rarely think about those early years as an attorney, but it was like boot camp for lawyers. Fuck up after fuck up, and the partners weren’t shy about telling you.
Then we got to talking about our divorces, dating, and raising girls who are around the same age, and things got really TMI really fast. (We’d both had a few drinks.) She started telling me how cruel her ex-husband was, how he used to criticize her body and demean her, and how he didn’t stick around to help raise their daughter. At one point, she told me–or hinted in quite an obvious way–that he wanted an open marriage, and they had sex with other people. She did it for him, but unsurprisingly, this didn’t solve their problems. It only made them worse.
Sidenote: I think she was expecting more surprise from me about this disclosure, but as any longtime reader of this blog knows, the subject is well-worn territory for me, so I wasn’t shocked at all. No, I was too busy biting my tongue to avoid saying something ill-advised to a firm client.
Then, after a few dating stories, she asked me why my marriage fell apart. I gave her the Cliff’s Notes version before fortune smiled on me and she got pulled away by another lawyer who actually knew her. Thinking about this later, it dawned on me how this was an insanely private conversation to have with a client, let alone someone I just met.
I dusted off my boogie shoes. I’m no John Travolta, but I can’t lie, I love dancing when the conditions are right. The dance floor can’t be too crammed with people or have not enough people. I can’t be an island out there, or with two other guys or something. It also needs to be really dark, or I need to be really drunk. Either works. Also, and most importantly, my favorite music needs to be playing. Preferably rock, disco, or 80s music. Give me a little Queen, a little Prince, a hint of Journey, and I’ll be out there doing The Shopping Cart or The Running Man faster than you can say Jesus Christ, that old man dances like shit!
When it comes to dancing, I’m a total princess. Everything has to be right. I also have this weird quirk that I usually need someone to drag my ass out on the dance floor to get me out there. A little push. I know, it’s stupid.
On the last night of the conference, there was an event held on two floors of this big concert hall a few blocks from the hotel. The top floor was more networking BS, but they told us all to wear our cowboy hats and boots instead of business casual. I’m not dropping good money on shit I’ll never wear again, so I passed on this. On the bottom floor, they had this incredible six-piece band with three lead singers who were FANTASTIC. They sounded like the best wedding band you ever heard. They even had a saxophone and an electric violin in there. Do you know how good an electric violin sounds with the right song? Really fucking good.
Anyway, after listening to the band for a while, I went upstairs to get some food and see if I knew anyone up there. It was absolutely crammed with people and felt hot as hell even though it was outdoors. I didn’t know a soul. While I was chatting with one of the women who was working at the dessert table, this woman I had met earlier in the day came up behind me to say hello. She’s a marketing person at a large law firm and had been standing at a table with novelties that firms give out at these things (breath mints, Moleskine notebooks, and luggage weighers in her case). We had talked for a bit, and she told me that her friend was starting this new dating app for divorced people. She even texted me the link, which I have yet to click on. I didn’t think I’d see her again. But there she was, right behind me on the roof of this concert hall crammed full of people.
We started chatting again and then went downstairs to listen to the band. By now, they’d migrated from Motown songs to 70s and 80s songs, and I was starting to get my groove on. She went out to the dance floor by herself and was dancing with a couple of people for a while. Then the band started playing Let’s Go Crazy by Prince, and my legs started to move of their own accord while I was standing by a hightop table. She must have noticed this, walked over to me, and in a sweet and endearing way I can’t explain, she held out her hand, which I took in mine, and she “dragged” me to the dance floor.
Perfect conditions unlocked.
They played Little Red Corvette next. Then they played I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor, eventually followed by You Shook Me All Night Long by AC/DC. I danced to them all and more. It was the first time I’ve been dancing in years, and I loved it. At one point, we even did this dance together like in those old old 50s sock hops. I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing, but it didn’t matter.
It was so much fun. No expectations, no demands, just two people who met randomly and enjoyed each other’s company for a night.
This is exactly where I want to be right now, and this is where I am. It feels great.
